Holly Fawlkner Erotica

Everybody shut the fuck up - I've done it! I have found the cure for post-orgasm drop!

It is called Muira Puama, or ptychopetalum olacoides. 

The bark of the Muira Puama tree has a long history of use in Brazilian folk medicine as an aphrodisiac and a herbal remedy for sexual dysfunction, PMS, depression and joint pain. 

My understanding is that it has adaptogenic properties and helps to stimulate dopamine production among other benefits - there's a good summary of some of the effects here, although a lot of the research is very dated and I definitely wouldn't be taking it if I had any heart problems: https://www.sigmaaldrich.com/life-science/nutrition-research/learning-center/plant-profiler/ptychopetalum-olacoides.html. 

I did a lot of agonising about my fear of orgasms after my Master told me that permanent denial wasn't an option. I am trying to learn to want orgasms again because it's important to him that I want them even when he denies me. It's the post-orgasm drop and the lack of arousal after an orgasm that make them so emotionally and psychologically traumatic for me. So I got to thinking: what if there was a way to mitigate the effects in order to make orgasms bearable? What if there was something that could balance out the wild hormonal fluctuations that cause me to drop like a lead balloon and raise my level of arousal so that I'm still horny even after an orgasm? Maybe then I wouldn't be so afraid of coming. I might even be able to get to a place where I wanted to come again. 

I started taking 10ml of Muira Puama tincture in two 5ml doses with tea twice daily about five weeks ago. We call it my Slut Juice. From what I had read, I knew that it would likely take about four weeks before I began to feel the full effect. 

I wanted to be sure that it was definitely working for me before I wrote about my initial findings, so my hypothesis had to be tested. That meant that at some point I was going to have to have an orgasm, assuming my Master allowed it. 

On Monday last week I had another wet dream. Just like the last time, it happened on the first day of my period. I woke up seconds before I went over the edge and there was no pleasure in it at all - just mechanical contractions. I have since wondered if it was my womb cramping that set me off. 

Unlike the last time this happened, there was no drop and no reduction in arousal. None. 

Far from it. Quite the opposite. 

By Thursday, all I could think about was being fucked. I needed to be fucked. I needed my Master's cock in my pussy. I was almost crying with need by Saturday. My pussy was so swollen and drippy and empty. 

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He did not make use of me until Sunday. 

When he told me to suck his cock, I did something I haven't done in a very long time - I begged him to let me make him come with my pussy. If he had said no I would have accepted that and sucked his cock, but he didn't say no. 

He let me fuck my pussy on his cock. 

I straddled him in reverse cowgirl because I knew nothing would touch my clit in that position and I wanted to see if it was possible for him to fuck me without making me come. I can come quite quickly even without clitoral stimulation, but with the right angle it takes a few minutes. A few minutes was all it took - I've never known him to come so fast - and I was able to hold off, but when I felt him come in my pussy, something happened. I felt something I haven't felt in a very long time. As I lay on my elbows with my head at his feet and my pussy trying its best to clamp down on his cock as he filled me, a sort of madness overtook me. I was so painfully, unbearably close. The edge was so razor sharp I thought it would cut me in two and I was helpless to withstand it. I could have just lifted myself off his cock without coming and stayed denied, but something snapped in me. 

In that moment, I wanted to come. Oh god, I wanted it! So I begged, and my Master said yes. 

It felt so fucking good to give him what he wanted from me and come on his cock after 133 days. I struggled a little bit with my choice to beg for an orgasm after the fact - should I have begged at all? Was I a bad slut for begging? Was it demanding of me to beg when he hadn't told me to? What if I dropped? - but that all went away once I thought about it and  realised that I'm allowed to beg, he would have told me no if he hadn't wanted me to come and - miraculously - I wasn't dropping.

Did you hear that??? I didn't drop. I wasn't even that much less horny. It muted the screaming in my pussy slightly, but only enough to make it slightly more bearable (and it was getting to the point where I was afraid I was going to go mad).

A week later and I'm still horny and happy. This morning I got told that I'm not allowed a cushion when I sit on the floor any more if my pussy is bare because I keep dripping all over them with my slutty cunt. I can't stop dripping. It's constant. 

I don't know that I can say I want orgasms yet as a general rule, but if it is always like this then that means there is no real reason for my fear, and that will make learning to want them again so much easier. 

There is of course a possibility that this is just a placebo effect, but I don't really care as long as it works.  And so far, it seems to be working. 

The next phase of my experimentation will involve adding damiana and ginkgo biloba - also used as aphrodisiacs - to my two daily cups of Slut Juice to see if they further enhance the effects of the muira puama. I suspect and hope that they will make it significantly worse. If orgasms don't stop me being horny and desperate, it will make it much easier for me to take unbridled joy in embracing his will, whatever it may be. 

It would be awfully cruel if he finally got me to a point where I did actually want orgasms again and decided a year of denial with an increased dose of my Slut Juice was just what I needed to keep me in my place. 

I am looking forward to testing my new hypothesis. For science, obviously. 

Please note that this is just my experience and should under no circumstances be taken as medical advice. 

I made an informed assessment of the potential risks and benefits based on existing (admittedly rather limited and quite dated) research and got my Master's permission before I started taking Muira Puama. My supply comes from a reputable qualified herbalist and I have no existing health conditions that might make it dangerous for me to take this. Be careful and sensible about what you put into your body or what you put into your sub's body.