Holly Fawlkner Erotica

I meant to write a more involved post about how the muira puama has been going a few weeks ago, but I've been so busy with my new book that I'm only really getting to it now. 

I have gradually increased the dose of the muira puama from 10 to 20 mls a day, and that seems to be the sweet spot. I haven't noticed any adverse side effects, so I'm going to continue at this dosage for the foreseeable future. I was taking it with 3-6mls of ginkgo biloba a day for about four weeks while I was increasing the muira puama, but I let that taper off once I settled at a baseline level of desperation that I was happy with. I may add in ginkgo again intermittently for a bit of extra kick at times when my arousal tends to dip slightly due to hormonal fluctuations, as I do with the damiana. Damiana mostly just gets me stoned in a very horny way so I don't take it very often and certainly not every day, but I don't really drink alcohol any more (it dulls the ache and I can't cope with the hangovers I've started getting) so I do sometimes take a nip of damiana for recreational purposes. The sex dreams I have on it are unbelievably filthy, with the added benefit that I don't seem to have wet dreams after taking it. 

In addition to the sexual benefits I have experienced while taking muira puama (significantly increased baseline arousal and no post-orgasm drop) I feel more emotionally stable and resilient in general. I no longer suffer from the severe PMS that used to affect me horribly for a week before my period every month. It's nice, not having to feel like I want to kill everyone who looks at me or lie down and die myself. Now I just want to eat chocolate and wrap myself in a blanket like a slutty burrito and sleep for a few days before my womb falls out. You know, like a normal person. This leads me to suspect that my hypothesis that people with existing hormonal imbalances or anomalies are more susceptible to severe post-orgasm drop after a period of extended denial may have some merit. There's no way to be certain without blood tests, but I would bet good money that comparing a sample of my blood from before I started taking muira puama to a sample taken now would show that there was a hormonal imbalance which has now been rectified. 

I have found that I get to a much higher level of desperation in a much shorter time while taking muira puama, which makes my master and I very happy. Before I could have gone four months without begging for a ruin. Now it's more like four weeks before I feel that need for some sort of release, and the idea of begging for an orgasm doesn't seem utterly repellent. Of course, wanting to ruin or even come in moments of painfully intense arousal or begging for it doesn't mean that I'll get to come - but it is definitely progress that there are times when I find myself imagining how it would feel to come on my master's cock and not hating it. I still want denial more than I want to come or be ruined, but there are brief moments when I do want to come. That was unthinkable a few months ago. The security of having had a couple of orgasms and ruins and not dropping afterwards is wonderfully reassuring, and has gone some way to alleviating my fears and his. 

I will get to test how muira puama affects me over a more prolonged period with no release at all over the next few months. I might even find myself wanting to come - really wanting to come again - during the course of what's ahead of me, but I know for a certainty that if I beg, the answer will be a resounding 'no'. 

Sales from my book to date have netted me 69 days of denial so far (You're all evil, by the way. Please, continue) and my master told me a couple of hours ago after ruining me that I would maybe get another ruin or two before JuNO starts - but that's it. No ruins until my sentence is up. Complete denial. I've been bought and paid for, he told me, and he takes good customer service very seriously. It's one of the hottest things he's ever said to me. 

My previous post on muira puama can be found here: https://hisfilthywhore.bdsmlr.com/post/350174629

If you're curious about the book, you can find out more here: https://hisfilthywhore.bdsmlr.com/post/366526069